Brothers and sisters! The ability to communicate with one another is a priceless gift that Allah has given to humans.
الرَّحْمَنُ () عَلَّمَ الْقُرْآَنَ () خَلَقَ الْإِنْسَانَ () عَلَّمَهُ الْبَيَانَ
“The Most Compassionate; He taught the Qur’an; He created man; and He taught him to communicate.” (al-Rahman, 55:1-4)
We communicate with people on a daily basis. It’s important to know some of the etiquettes that could improve our communication. In today’s khutba, I want to share some of the etiquettes that the Prophet (SAW) taught us while communicating with people. Allah (SWT) tells us to follow the Prophet’s model in whatever we do.
لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِمَنْ كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الآَخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا
“The Messenger of Allah is an excellent model for those of you who put your hope in Allah and the Last Day and remember Allah very often.” (al-Ahzab, 33:21).
One of the fundamental rules of good communication has to do with listening skills. Most of us talk more and listen less. But the Prophet (SAW) was known to be a patient listener. We have in Surat al-Tawbah,
وَمِنْهُمُ الَّذِينَ يُؤْذُونَ النَّبِيَّ وَيَقُولُونَ هُوَ أُذُنٌ قُلْ أُذُنُ خَيْرٍ لَكُمْ
“Among them are some who insult the Prophet by saying, “He will listen to anything.” Say, “He listens for your own good.” (al-Tawbah, 9:61)
One example of his patient listening is that he was once walking with Adi ibn Hatim when a girl approached him and took the Prophet’s hand and said that her mother wanted to talk to him. The three of them went to see her mother who had some family issues. They took a long time complaining and talking and the Prophet (SAW) had to lean against something as he was standing there for a long time listening to them. He did not stop them and kept listening. Adi ibn Hatim was struck by the Prophet’s example of his patience, his listening ability and the respect he had for every person in the society.
Another element of communication is listening with respect without any contempt, as we saw in the story just narrated. If we follow the Prophet’s example of listening patiently, listening with respect and listening with mercy and kindness, we too can be good communicators. Allay says in Surat al-Isra’:
وَلَقَدْ كَرَّمْنَا بَنِي آَدَمَ وَحَمَلْنَاهُمْ فِي الْبَرِّ وَالْبَحْرِ وَرَزَقْنَاهُمْ مِنَ الطَّيِّبَاتِ وَفَضَّلْنَاهُمْ عَلَى كَثِيرٍ مِمَّنْ خَلَقْنَا تَفْضِيلًا
“We have honored the children of Adam and carried them by land and sea. We have provided good sustenance for them and favored them specially above many of those We have created.” (al-Isra’, 17:70)
The children of Adam include all human beings: the men, the women, the rich, the poor, the young, the old, the strong, the weak, the healthy, the sick, the believer and the non-believer; regardless of who they are. When Allah has honored them then who are we to look down upon them. If any time we feel otherwise, we should remind ourselves of this ayah.
The Prophet (SAW) actively communicated with the people around him; he treated those who came to visit him kindly and he visited those who were not able to visit. He practiced and recommended his followers to be hospitable to guests, to maintain relationships, to visit the sick, and to attend funerals.
Psychologists say that the way you speak is actually more important than what you say. According to research, the words spoken contribute seven per cent of the effect; the tone of voice thirty-eight per cent; and the gestures and body language have fifty-five per cent of the effect in communication between people.
The Prophet (SAW) was the most effective orator of all the times. He knew how to address the hearts, and thus he became the beloved one of the hearts. He first made himself loved, and then sought the ways to educate people. He used a style in his speeches that affected people and made them think, so he achieved permanent behavior change in people by means of the best educational methods.
The Prophet (SAW) said, “If you love a fellow Muslim, let them know.” One day he took hold of Muaz bin Jabal’s hand and said: “O Muaz, I swear to Allah that I truly love you.” Then he said, “O Muaz, do not neglect to say at the end of every prayer:
اللَّهُمَّ أَعِنِّي عَلَى ذِكْرِكَ وَشُكْرِكَ وَحُسْنِ عِبَادَتِكَ
“O Allah! Help me to remember You, to thank You, and to worship You in the best of manners.”
One of the important principles of communication presented by the Prophet (SAW) was addressing the minds and the emotions of those around him when communicating with them. For example, some of the Companions told him: “O Allah’s Prophet! The wealthy have taken the blessings and gone. They pray like us, they fast like us, but they give more to charity than we can.” The Prophet replied, “Do you think that Allah has given you nothing to donate? Every time you praise Allah, every time you say Alhamdulillah, every time you say “La ilaha illallah,” whenever you command good or forbid evil, these are donations to be blessed.”
The Prophet (SAW) would give gifts to those around him and receive gifts from others to strengthen friendship, consolidate love, to win hearts, to direct them towards Islam, to prevent possible evil, or as a reward. Once he bought a camel from a young companion, and after paying the money for the camel, he presented it to the young man.
The Prophet (SAW) was careful about individual differences when conversing with people. For example, he had a conversation with a Bedouin, whose wife had given birth to a black child; the Bedouin denied that the child was his. “My wife gave birth to a black child. I want to reject this child” the Bedouin said. Prophet (SAW) asked: “Do you have camels?” “Yes” “What color are those camels?” “Red” “Are there any white, black or grey camels among these?” “Yes, of course. There are grey camels among them.” “Well, where do you think these grey camels came from?” “O Prophet, that is in their blood; they take after the ancestors. Perhaps this boy has taken after someone in his ancestry.” Taking care to use an example that is related to the Bedouin’s life, he was able to solve a problem in a convincing manner by having the Bedouin come up with the solution himself.
The Prophet (SAW) paid attention to the ability of the human mind to process and perceive information, and as necessitated by the prophetic mission, he presented the divine message gradually, starting first with what was simple and easy. The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) sent Muaz to Yemen and made the following recommendation to him: “You are going to a tribe from the People of the Book. Invite them to testify that there is no god but Allah and that I am His Messenger. If they accept this, inform them that Allah has commanded them to pray to Him five times a day every day. If they accept this, inform them that Allah has commanded a zakat (charitable alms) to be paid by the wealthy to the poor. If they accept this, do not take the most valuable goods (for this). Be wary of the curses of the oppressed, because there is no veil between the curses of the oppressed and Allah.”
The Prophet (SAW) gave the people around him the responsibility to spread the Message of Islam. In his Farewell Sermon, he said: “You who are here take my words to those who are not here. Perhaps those who are here will bring my words to ones who have better comprehension of my words and who will protect my words better.” In this way, Prophet Muhammad (SAW) ensured that the message would be passed on. He also gave responsibility to those around him to protect the authenticity of his words when spreading the message.
The Prophet (SAW) had listened to women in his society, who often experienced denial of their rights and ill-treatment. He guided them to express themselves, and claim the real freedom of heart and conscience. The Prophet (SAW) loved children, with their innocence, and gentleness. He kissed them, carried them on his shoulders, and played with them, reaching toward their innocence.
When Fatima (RA) used to visit her father—Prophet (SAW), he would get up, kiss her forehead and would have her sit in his place, and he would sit with her. This is how he told the world his respect for his daughter. He would shorten salah if a child was crying in consideration of the mother of the child. He cared about the feelings of people. These are examples of his respect and care for all.
We should take care not to hurt the feelings of people when communicating with them. This is one of the essential elements of good communication. Mercy, kindness and sincerity towards others are important parts of the teachings of our religion. May Allah bless each one of us and give us a deep understanding of the deen; ameen.
أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ وَلِسَائِرِ المُسْلِمينَ وَالمُسْلِمَاتْ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهْ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على سيد المرسلين وعلى آله وأصحابه أجمعين
Brothers and sisters! When talking about communication, a hadith that comes to mind is the one which says: “Your smiling in the face of your brother is charity.” This is a gesture to start any conversation positively and goes a long way to remove any past ill feelings that could be present. Smiling brings joy; both to the giver and the receiver.
Starting a conversation with the Islamic greetings of peace—Assalamu alaikum (peace be upon you) is recommended. This goes towards repelling hate and creating love between parties. Also we have to pay attention to the tone and volume of our voice. Our tone determines whether we will make our relationship or break it. Any undesirable loudness in our voice could put people off and make any further attempts to communicate futile.
We should inquire about people and ask them how they are doing and inquire about their health and well-being and that of their family and friends. They will feel loved and cared for. We should use every chance to enjoin the good and forbid the evil. If there is ever a need for us to say something corrective in nature, we should do so gently keeping in mind the age, status, and temperament of the person we are talking to. We should use simple, concise words, and speak with clarity to make people understand easily. These are just a few of the basic etiquettes from the sunnah on communicating effectively with people.
Good communications with our family, our relatives, our friends, our co-workers, our fellow citizens and every human being is so important in our lives. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) left us such a good example about how he interacted with everyone.
May Allah enable us to follow the example of our beloved Prophet (SAW). May Allah bless each one of us and the Ummah at large. May He create affection in our hearts for each other. May He guide each one of us to the right path. May He help our suffering fellow Muslims and the humanity at large. Allahumma Ameen.
