الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على سيد المرسلين وعلى آله وأصحابه أجمعين.
Brothers and sisters! In today’s khatira, I want to share some thoughts with you on the concept of empathy in Islam. What is empathy? It is the ability to recognize, understand and share the feelings of others. It is like walking in someone else’s shoes.
Supposing your friend is looking for a job but keeps receiving rejections, you might say to him: “Perhaps you feel disappointed and discouraged right now, is that right?” On hearing this, your friend will feel relieved to hear someone understand his feelings accurately. It is essential as well as effective to empathize with a person before offering any sort of advice.
Is empathy encouraged in Islam? Indeed it is. When we look at some of the key verses in the Qur’an describing our beloved Prophet (SAW), we notice that Allah (SWT) describes him as empathetic and compassionate. We have in Surat al-Tawbah,
لَقَدْ جَاءَكُمْ رَسُولٌ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ عَزِيزٌ عَلَيْهِ مَا عَنِتُّمْ حَرِيصٌ عَلَيْكُمْ بِالْمُؤْمِنِينَ رَءُوفٌ رَحِيمٌ
“There has come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Your suffering distresses him: he is deeply concerned for your welfare and full of kindness and mercy towards the believers.” (al-Tawbah, 9:128)
And we have in Surat al-Anbiya’,
وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ إِلَّا رَحْمَةً لِّلْعَالَمِينَ
“We have only sent you as a mercy for the worlds (i.e. as a mercy for all creatures).” (al-Anbiya’, 21:107)
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) would always feel the suffering of people and is praised by Allah (SWT) for his empathetic nature. The Prophet (SAW) himself encouraged us to feel empathy for each other. He was reported to have said, “The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.” The Qur’an describes believers as those who practice compassion, which is a form of empathy that moves one to help others. Surat al-Balad tells us, “And how would you know what is the difficult path? It is to free a slave, or to feed on a day of severe hunger an orphan of near relationship or a needy person in misery; and to be one of those who believe and urge one another to patience and compassion.” (al-Balad, 90:12-17)
The Prophet (SAW) was ordered by Allah to be empathetic and compassionate to his followers after the debacle at Uhud though it was the disobedience of some of them to his orders that led to the near defeat of the Muslim Army. Ayah 159 of Surat Aal ‘Imran says,
“It is a mercy from Allah that you were gentle with them. If you had been rough or hard of heart, they would have scattered from around you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them, and consult with them about the matter. Then when you have reached a firm decision, put your trust in Allah. Allah loves those who put their trust in Him.” (Aal ‘Imran, 3: 159):
There are numerous examples of the empathetic and compassionate behavior of the Prophet (SAW) that we learn from the prophetic biography.
One account of the Prophet (SAW)’s empathy in action is when he was sitting in with his companions one morning, and members of a miserable tribe approached them. They had no shoes and their skin was stuck to their bones because of hunger. The Prophet (SAW) became instantly moved upon seeing their condition and the color of his face changed. He had Bilal (RA) give the call to prayer and gathered his companions. After praying, they took up a collection for the tribe, generously helping them.
The Prophet (SAW) even had care and empathy for animals. Once, upon entering a garden, the Prophet (SAW) saw a camel that was just skin and bones. Upon seeing it, the Prophet (SAW) began crying, and then he put his hand on its head until it was comforted. He said to the owner of that camel: “Don’t you fear Allah about this beast that Allah has given in your possession? It has complained to me that you keep it hungry and load it heavily which fatigues it.”
There is also the famous hadith about the Prophet (SAW)’s empathy for mothers in the Masjid, that was narrated by Anas bin Malik (RA): “The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘I start prayer and I want to make it long, but then I hear an infant crying, so I make my prayer short, because I know the distress caused to the mother by its crying.”
There is a hadith related by Abu Hurairah (RA) in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim that says, “While we were sitting in the company of Allah’s Messenger (SAW) a man approached and said: “O Messenger of Allah! I’m ruined!” The Prophet said: “What is the matter?” He said: “I had sexual relations with my wife while I was fasting in Ramadan.” Allah’s Messenger then asked him: “Can you find a slave whom you can free?” He said no. “Then, are you able to fast for two consecutive months?” He said no. “Then, do you have the means to feed sixty poor people?” He said no. So the Prophet (SAW) stopped and considered, and we waited like that until a large basket of dates was brought to him. He asked: “Where is that questioner?” The man spoke up: “Here I am.” The Prophet (SAW) said: “Take this and give it out in charity.” The man then asked: “Messenger of Allah, must I find someone poorer than myself to give it to? By Allah, there is no household in town poorer than my own.” The Prophet (SAW) laughed until we could see his teeth, and said: “Go feed your family.”
In the above anecdote, we learn how to exhibit empathy and compassion:
· The Prophet (SAW) did not criticize or humiliate the man during his admission of guilt.
· He understood that this man was deeply faithful, genuinely felt devastated for having sinned, and was repentant.
· He gently suggested various ways by which the man could make amends.
· He offered the man a way out of his dilemma, and proceeded gradually so as to gauge the extent of the person’s ability to recompense for what he had done.
· His manner of dealing with this man was likely to encourage others not to hold back should they have sinned or made any kind of mistake.
Brothers and sisters! When we show someone that we understand them, either by reflecting their feelings or summarizing what they’ve said, we bring instant comforting relief and peace to that person.
Research has shown that empathy is a counselor’s most powerful skill in bringing about growth in clients, and lack of empathy actually makes clients feel worse! Therefore, it is very effective to show empathy before thinking of offering advice. Empathy transforms our social relationships because it gives us a more accurate and deeper understanding of issues and conflicts. Empathy is a key trait to becoming a better spouse, parent, teacher and friend. Showing empathy at work enhances our professional relationships because we will begin to deal with our co-workers and clients by trying to first understand what they want, think and feel.
The purpose of showing empathy is to improve our life along with the lives of others, by spreading compassion, care and comfort.
May Allah give us the tawfiq to be more empathetic in our relationships with our fellow human beings. May Allah (SWT) make the awesome trait of empathy a part of our being.
أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ وَلِسَائِرِ المُسْلِمينَ وَالمُسْلِمَاتْ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهْ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
وَصَلَّ اللهُ عَلَى خيرِ خَلقِهِ مُحمَّدٍ وعَلَى آلِه وأصْحَابِه أجْمَعِين- بِرَحْمَتِكَ يا أرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِين
