Coping with Loss

Transcript of the Talk delivered by Dr. Munawar Haque on August 07, 2015 on occasion of AMDA’s Friday Family Night Event

الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على سيد المرسلين وعلى آله وأصحابه أجمعين

Brothers and sisters! I have been asked to share some thoughts with you on the topic: ‘How to cope with a situation when we lose someone or something dear to us’. There is no denying that in this life, we are faced with challenges through losses: loss of health, loss of wealth, loss of property, and loss of loved ones. These are tests that all of us have to face. Allah says,

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنْفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ () الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُمْ مُصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ ()

“We shall certainly test you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give good news to those who are patient. Those who, when afflicted with a calamity say, We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return.” (al-Baqarah, 2:155-156)

If we integrate this profound statement - إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ (Innaa lillahi wa innaa ilaihi raji’un) into each moment of our daily lives; especially, when we are faced with the loss of something or someone dear to us, we will find comfort and consolation; we will find peace and contentment. We all come into this world empty handed and we will leave it empty handed. Everything we possess and enjoy—our health, our wealth, our loved things, and our loved ones are all gifts and blessings from Allah (SWT) given to us for a certain time. Often, we tend to forget that they are gifts, and tend to get more attached to the gifts than to the One who blessed us with the gifts.

We should try to occupy ourselves with the Giver, not the gifts. The Giver of the gifts is Allah. We need to constantly remind each other of this truth, because as human beings, we are prone to forget. We forget the years that Allah gave us ease, and remember only the times of difficulty and the times when we are tested with the loss of some blessings for reasons that Allah knows would ultimately be for our good. We have to believe that no matter how difficult things may seem, with hardship, there is ease.

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا () إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا ()

“Surely with difficulty is ease. With every difficulty there is ease.” (al-Inshirah, 94:5-6)

Our bodies, minds and souls are not our own. They belong to Allah and will be returned to Him. Allah is the owner of everything. He allows what He wills, to whom He wills, and for the time He wills. He has the right to take back what He owns, and this He does through His Infinite Wisdom and Mercy.  He has the right to take any of us at any time, for we all belong to Him, and our return is to Him. If we acknowledge this right of our Creator trusting in the ultimate good of His decrees, we will always be prepared for the possibility of examination through loss of something we love. Loss is a natural part of life, because everything in this life is short-lived and temporary, and will pass away.

كُلُّ مَنْ عَلَيْهَا فَانٍ () وَيَبْقَى وَجْهُ رَبِّكَ ذُو الْجَلَالِ وَالْإِكْرَامِ

"All that is on the earth will pass away; while your Lord's own Self will remain full of majesty and glory." (Al-Rahman, 55:26-27)

According to Imam Ibn al-Qayyim, إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ is one of the most effective and beneficial treatments for a person who is afflicted by calamities, because it contains two fundamental principles, which if they are understood, will provide consolation during a calamity. The first of them is that a person’s life and what he possesses belong to Allah. The second is that the return of everything is to Allah.

وَأَنَّ إِلَى رَبِّكَ الْمُنْتَهَى

“All things in the end shall return to your Lord.” (An-Najm, 53, 42-44)

Another aspect of the treatment is that he should know that what was ordained to afflict him could not have missed him and what was ordained to miss him could not have struck him, and that if Allah had willed, He could have made the calamity greater than it was.

And part of the treatment is the knowledge that his Lord has set aside for him as compensation something many times better than that which he lost. He can soothe his heart by seeking recompense for it from Allah. The pleasure which follows patient endurance and the expectation of Allah's reward will be far greater than that which he would have experienced from the thing he lost, if it had remained with him.

And part of the treatment is the knowledge that discontentment does not lessen misfortune but only increases it; and that losing the reward which Allah has guaranteed for patience is an even greater misfortune. Moreover, discontentment will give pleasure to his enemy, grieve his friend and make his Lord angry.

And part of the treatment is the knowledge that his reaction to the calamity will determine what happens to him; for Allah will be pleased with the one who accepts His decree, and will be angry with the one who does not accept it.

Another aspect is for him to consider two things: the satisfaction he can enjoy due to his acceptance of the calamity which befell him and then the pleasure which he will enjoy due to the reward of Allah.

And another is the knowledge that misfortunes are a means of preventing those diseases which could cause his destruction, such as pride, arrogance, and hardness of heart. Yet another is the knowledge that the One who has put him to trial is the most just of judges and the most merciful; and that He has not subjected him to misfortune in order to destroy him, but in order to test him and to observe him in prostrations and hear his fervent supplications.

Brothers and sisters! The losses and challenges that we face are and will always be part of a Divine Plan to purify and teach us. Every time we experience some sort of loss that has broken our hearts, we should choose to revive our love for the One whose love was meant to fill our hearts. Nothing fills the void in our hearts except the closeness to, and love of Allah (SWT). We should strive for our goal of meeting Him in a state that He is pleased with us and we are pleased with Him.

I want to conclude by narrating to you an incident from the sirah. When the Seal of the Prophets—Muhammad (SAW) breathed his last, his wives put a cloth over his body and started to cry. When the Companions heard the cries and screams coming from the house of the Prophet, they were shocked. It was as if the sky had fallen on them. Everybody was stupefied; the eyes were shedding tears of sorrow and grief. Even Umar ibn Khattab (RA), who was a symbol of courage, was affected badly from that terrible moment. He was terrified and shouted, “The Messenger of Allah did not die. He is alive. He has been struck by lightning like Musa (AS). If anyone says, ‘Muhammad died’, I will split him into two with my sword.”

On getting the news of the demise of his beloved (SAW), Abu Bakr (RA) felt as if one part of his parts broke off. He rushed to the house of Rasulullah (SAW), lifted the cloth that covered his blessed face in terror and astonishment, bowed down and kissed the Prophet’s bright and luminous forehead three times, and uttered the following words in tears:  “O Messenger of Allah! Your death is as clean and graceful as your life.” Then, he consoled the household of the Prophet. After leaving the house of the Prophet (SAW), Abu Bakr (RA) went to the Mosque. He heard Umar (RA) say, “The Messenger of Allah did not die.” Thereupon, Abu Bakr (RA) said, "He who worships Muhammad should know that Muhammad has died. He who worships Allah should know that Allah is ever-living and does not die." Then he recited the following verse:

وَمَا مُحَمَّدٌ إِلَّا رَسُولٌ قَدْ خَلَتْ مِنْ قَبْلِهِ الرُّسُلُ أَفَإِنْ مَاتَ أَوْ قُتِلَ انْقَلَبْتُمْ عَلَى أَعْقَابِكُمْ

“Muhammad is only a messenger. Messengers have passed away before him. If he should die, or be killed, will you turn back on your heels?” (Aal ‘Imran, 3:144)

This verse had been sent down during the Battle of Uhud, when a rumor stating that Muhammad (SAW) was killed became widespread. Although the Companions had read that verse many times, yet they seemed to have forgotten it due to their sorrow at that time.  The distinguished Companions pulled themselves together and overcame their astonishment. Umar (RA) gave up saying, “the Messenger of Allah did not die.” He came to his senses and accepted that the Messenger of Allah had actually died.

Let me conclude with a beautiful hadith from the best of creation—our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW). He said, "Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in all his affairs, and this is only for the believer. If something good happens to him and he is grateful, then this is good for him, and if a calamity befalls him and he is patient, then this is also good for him."

أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ وَلِسَائِرِ المُسْلِمينَ وَالمُسْلِمَاتْ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهْ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

وَصَلَّ اللهُ عَلَى خيرِ خَلقِهِ مُحمَّدٍ وعَلَى آلِه وأصْحَابِه أجْمَعِين- بِرَحْمَتِكَ يا أرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِين

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